Celia

Chapter 46

Stay away from me, Celia

 

Emma slipped a bit as she was about to open the door to the cafeteria, and might well have fallen had she not made a swift move to grab the door lever. The small water puddle right outside the entrance had frozen over and made it rather dangerous.

 

I must get Johnny to strew some sand or salt. So that no one will tumble and get hurt.

 

The freezing temperatures had taken hold, and though it was only early afternoon and the clear sky allowed the sun to give away some warmth during the day, the gravel as well as the paved ground was still slightly icy.

 

Not that we are not going to carry on here for much longer – the season is coming to an end.

 

Most teams had played their last matches of the year. As far as she knew – and she used to take pride by herself in keeping the list of activities on the pitch in her head at close-to all times – there was just one game remaining. The men senior team was to play their last one at home this coming weekend.

 

But the youth teams were still training here, most of them though with a reduced number of weekly sessions. And the youngest kids had moved indoor – they were by now training in the gyms at the local primary schools based on club-to-school agreements.

 

There is to be fair no real need for me to keep the cafeteria open. As long as there are only training sessions going on. But I’m planning to do some tidying and sort things out in the storage room, and while doing that I may just as well keep it open in case someone drops in wanting a drink or bit of food.

 

Emma let her eyes move across the pitch and the surrounding area as she felt a firm footing on the doorstep. Some girls were sitting on the turf – the fifteen-year-olds are going to have a session. They should not sit like that for long, she thought – it’ll get cold pretty fast.

 

The fifteen-year-old girls. Peter’s team. Which Laura had accepted to coach – after their talk out here by the wooden table. Together with the junior girl. Celia – the one many people were speaking highly of. Who ran to get the father of Linda’s daughter. On the day of the cup.

 

Her eyes spotted and rested for a while on a young girl making her way down the path from the small lake. There she is. On time as usual. But Laura was not yet to be seen.

 

Laura. Once agian her thoughts drifted back to the cup day. Just before ... As they were entering the cafeteria.  Laura was upset.

 

But she has not come back on the topic after that. At least not to me. Even though we have met on a fair number of occasions. It’s somewhat strange. Or maybe not?

 

Emma closed the door and went around the counter desk. A bit of a pleasurable feeling inside her. We are about to put it all behind us. Things are getting back to normal.

 

Six-or-seven girls had settled down next to the gate leading onto the pitch. Celia attempted a cheerful «hi» as she placed her rather meagre backsack on the grass.  Strictly speaking she did not need to bring it. Laura kept all their equipment, and Celia always put on her training outfit before leaving home. 

 

She got a couple of toneless «hi»s in return, but apart from that she wondered whether they noticed her coming. They were engaged in their own chatting.

 

-Celia – can we train a little shorter today? – it is cold.

 

-You have to check with Laura. She’s the boss.

 

There she came. At the top of the stairs. Carrying their gear bag from her left shoulder.

 

This was their third time together training the fifteen-year-olds. Celia had been a little anxious before the first one.

 

But we go rather well with one another. She is good at what she’s doing. And she is giving me specific tasks to carry out. More specific than Peter did. But things are a little ... on the surface ... between us. It has been this way since my question – and her unexpected response - in the substitutes’ booth at that match. She avoids meeting my eyes. And her «bye» comes fast when we are finished.

 

And I still miss the sessions with Peter.

«We could of course ask her straight?» Celia recalled Sonia’s easy questionlike suggestion sitting in the cafeteria – after Mai had left. She declined then. And Sonia accepted. «Surely something quite insignificant anyway», her conclusion was.

 

But Sonia does not know it all. It is more than the cash box – and something missing from it. The chat by the fence – making our break getting longer than usual. And I can still hear the sound of Laura’s voice in my head – from the match.  - She just guessed. She could not know.

 

So Celia had made up her mind to try Sonia’s simple suggestion. Even if her previous attempt was far from successful.  

 

Because I have to know. What it’s all about. Whether it has to do with ... Linda and Peter. This may be the key to it all. Let's assume that Laura is ...

 

I’m not as good at saying things straight – or even thinking that way – as is Beatrice.

 

If it might be dangerous? Should I bring Sonia along – the two of us talking to her?

 

Well, as for danger – I did walk on my own right into the apartment of a man suspected by the police of exactly the crime in question. No – I have to do this by myself. And ... she could hardly do me any harm out here on the pitch.

 

Even since leaving home her mind had been busy thinking it all through. The timing. The phrasing. How direct her approach ought to be.

 

I don’t want to spoil the training. So it must be right after. I just have to make sure that she’ll not run off at once when we’re finished.

 

The daylight was about to evolve into dusk, and the stadium light – six huge poles illuminating every corner of the pitch when turned on – was lit early during their warm-up.  Celia had never really figured out who switched on the myriads of light bulbs on top of the poles – they seemed to get going as if by themselves.

 

It’s a good thing the light knows it’s time to start shining – when it is getting dark. Celia suddenly smiled at her own thoughts as she walked over to a pair of girls tending to chatter a little too much while passing the ball to one another.

 

When the girls moved towards the fence for a break after the main exercise, the door to the cafeteria opened from the inside. The cafeteria lady – it occured to Celia that she still thought of her as such – came out, then headed for the fence gate. She held one cup in each hand – they obviously contained some warm drink, since the smoke emerging from them was easy to spot in the cold air.

 

-I have a lot of this in there. Hot chocolate. Laura – let the girls come in and have a cup for the break. It’s cold, and the season is almost done.

 

Laura considered the offer for a short moment. -That’s kind of you, Emma – it’s a little contrary to normal practice, but okay. Go with her, girls – but only one cup each – we are going to play in a minute, so more than one won’t be good for you.

 

Despite the midway chocolate pause, Laura ended the fairly chilly session somewhat earlier than scheduled.

 

-Can you wait a bit, Laura? --- I’ll go with you down to the square.

 

On her way to the training Celia had rehearsed several starting remarks, but this one was none of them.

 

She deliberately tried to delay getting ready, making sure that the girls who were to be off by the club stairs as well, were out of sight before the two coaches walked through the pitch gate and continued side-by-side along the upper side of the house. Celia noticed that Laura was eyeing her a couple of times – curious? – tense?

 

She could almost hear the thumping in her chest, as her heart was beating increasingly faster. But she could not wait any longer. She would have to take what might come. She halted.

 

-Laura – can you tell me? She tried not to pause, but did not quite succeed. -That Sunday by the locker rooms. I know you were looking into a cash box. What was it – not being in it?

 

Laura turned abruptly, staring speechless for a moment at her coaching colleague a few steps behind her.

 

Celia went on. -And what you said to me at the match. She just guessed. She could not ...

 

The gear bag slid from Laura’s shoulder and hit the ground as she staggered backwards a couple of yards. Even through the cold autumn air Celia spotted how her face changed in the floodlight. Colour – wrinkles – eyes. And the certitude that she was making a huge blunder surged into Celia’s mind and body. But it was too late.

 

-Who do you think you are? Why do you bother? Let me alone! Laura did not try to control her voice – it was more of a scream than an answer.

 

A few seconds of stillness followed. Some kind of a «sorry» was about to be shaped in Celia’s head, but her mouth could not quite convey it.

 

-Don’t you see that I had to say something? Come up with something ... There was a tiny shift in her voice – fainter and at a lowering tone. Anguish rather than anger.

 

-The cash box. And how she knew … Laura peered down at the gravel. Then she raised her head once more, made one step towards Celia and spoke straight into the girl’s face.

 

-Stay away from me, Celia. It’s all damned anyway ... you got no idea how it is ...

 

The gear bag remained stretched on the ground as Laura made a fast turn to start walking at almost running pace towards the club stairs. Two or three balls slipped out of the bag to roll slowly up to the fence. Behind her back Celia could hear the cafeteria door being opened – Laura’s voice had made it through the walls to reach Emma.

 

At the top of the stairs Sonia had to throw her body sideways to avoid being run down. She cast a puzzled look at Laura as the coach continued downwards – not even noticing her as it appeared. Then she spotted Celia a few yards off on the gravel – and the despair in the girl’s face when striding towards her.

 

-Sonia – I screwed up. I tried to ask. But I should have brought you. I’ve ruined everything. Now we will never get to know ... And our trainings – how can we ...

 

Sonia came up close placing both hands softly on the sore girl’s shoulders. At the same time she glimpsed Laura from the corner of her eye – standing still down at the square looking around – seemingly at a loss what to do or where to go.

Chapter 47

The confession

 

-In that case there is no time to lose, Celia.

 

Sonia released her right hand from Celia’s shoulder, instead grasping her arm and halfway dragging the girl after her as she turned and started to walk back towards the stairs.

 

-There’s no use, Celia tried faintly. But the grip on her forearm stayed firm, so she had no choice but coming along. Only in the middle of the stairs her arm was free.

 

-Laura, wait a minute – we have to sort these things out. Sonia went on down to the square without waiting for any reply.

 

Laura had started to walk slowly along the lower wall of the club house. She was approaching the senior locker room entrances – whether she went in this direction on purpose or rather was not quite aware where she was heading, Sonia could not tell. She observed that the door to the women’s locker room was open.

 

-Let’s go inside, Laura – it’s cold. Sonia had come up close to the woman in front of her, now laying her arm gently on the coach’s shoulder before pushing her slowly forward towards he women’s locker room.

 

Celia was following a few yards behind. Moving close-to unconsciously – there was no way she could control what was whirling around in her head – Sonia was definitely the one in charge now. A small extra sting presented itself in her chest when she came just inside the door and viewed the bench on her right side – his face with its clotted blood appeared before her eyes. But she shook it off and continued after the two others.

 

Sonia made Laura sit down at a small table a little further in where the corridor was widening. It was visble from the doorway, in which Emma suddenly appeared – she had been following them at some distance. Sonia spotted her.

 

-Emma – go up and get something to drink. Something warm, if you have.

 

She shifted her focus to the trainer a few years younger than herself, who had placed both her forearms on the table and was busy looking down at them. -Take the time you need, Laura. But if you think that there is something you ought to tell us, we are ready to listen to you.

 

There was silence for a long while. Sonia was waiting, and Celia wished by no means to say or do anything without Sonia taking the initiative. But when Laura finally raised her head, Celia was the one she set her eyes on.

 

-I’m sorry, Celia – for all I said. I hope ... I didn’t mean it.

 

Her eyes are blank – she’s fighting not to cry. But then there is something more in her face ... is it sorrow? --- despair?

 

-But it was so hopeless. Another tiny pause. -And it is still hopeless. Because when she knew, there are others who do. And in any case – I do not want to be such a person.

 

-I don’t understand how exactly she got to know. But she did. I wanted to fix it. But I needed time – I still need time.

 

Her voice began to tremble, and all of a sudden it came – everything she had been trying to hold back – pouring down her cheeks. -Don’t you see? – I was overjoyed when she was dead! – think about it – I was glad. And then when Peter ... damn it ... Peter!

 

She fell over, her head touching the tabletop, right between her two forearms.

 

Emma appeared in the doorway with a cup of hot chocolate in her right hand. Sonia waved at her to come over with the drink, and then sat down by the table straight across from Laura – the cup of chocolate between them.

 

-Look at me, Laura. She got a response – the tear-wet face lifting from the table.

 

-You took money, didn’t you?

 

An almost invisible nod, combined with an oblique smile appearing among the tears.

 

-Far too much. For a rather long time. You see – I was the team’s accountant for many years. There was cash around – more often than not – sometimes a lot of it. And frequently I was the only one to know how much money we got in – how much should be there.

 

-Drink some of Emma’s chocolate. It’ll do you good.

 

Laura did what she was asked. And the chocolate seemed to take some effect – her voice was clearer when she went on. She was past the first breakdown.

 

-I have no complete overview of it all. But it might be thousands.

 

-I wanted to pay it back. On that Sunday when you ran into me – I had brought some money to put into the cash box – not too much, but ... I thought that perhaps if I now and then ... But it was in fact a stupid idea. I’m not the accountant any longer.

 

Laura turned abruptly towards Emma. -At the cup. What I told you. I was desperate. I didn’t mention Linda – I don’t know if you figured out anything of what I said ... what I wanted.

 

-I think I recognized it as some kind of request for help. Emma’s voice was calm – while at the same time slightly questioning. -But I did not know what you needed help for. So I sort of expected you to come back on it later.

 

-She died – that was what happened – and then I thought at first that everything would be fine – that I would get the time I needed. You understand – she had been on to me twice.

 

She turned once more facing Celia. -The second time was by the fence in the training break ... as you noticed.

 

-And then it happened ... Peter ... why? Linda yes – but Peter?

 

The calm of the last couple of minutes was gone once more. She threw her upper body forward and back again two or three times, and the look of desperation was back in her eyes.

 

Now her words were straight at Sonia.

 

-This is everything I got. The football trainings – the club. I have lost ... and now I’m losing this a well. Because when I go to Philip telling him that I’ve been stealing ... then I cannot ... continue.

 

Suddenly Sonia grasped both of Laura’s hands and held them firmly. Her move seemed to surprise the coach – the expression on her face changed slightly.

 

-Neither you nor any of us are going to Philip. Now we will work out how to solve this situation in a proper way.

 

Sonia’s voice was just as firm as her grip on Laura’s hands.

 

-But before that, Laura, I want you to look straight into my eyes and tell me that it was not you who ...

 

Sonia got no further. Laura half rose from the chair staring first at Sonia, then over at Celia and Emma – and back. Her former despair was mixed with scare in the outburst that followed.

 

-You believe I killed her! Are you out of your minds? Me! – I’m not even able to trample a spider to death – though I hate spiders.

 

She drooped back onto the chair, hands meeting her face to fully bury it.

 

-And Peter – how could I ever hurt him? – how would I possibly think of ... Peter and me ... he was everything to me  - I wanted us to ... a real couple ...

 

She raised her head seeking for a brief moment to catch the eyes of the woman in front of her.

 

-I loved Peter. Peter and me ... we ... each other ... we were together ... he was ...

 

She made no attempt at stifling the crying as her head once again was resting between her two arms on the tabletop.

 

It was only after exiting through the doorway and getting aware of the darkness outside that Celia realized she was about to walk out on the others. She spotted the tree stumps in front of her and recalled Johnny bringing her out here that afternoon. This was where Simon had been standing right next to her - with no words.

 

A small blackbird tilted its head and peeked up from the edge of one of the stumps – at the figure approaching it so quietly – wondering rather than being afraid.

 

Laura and Peter. A few weeks ago it would have been a fist punch in my face. Now it’s something different. Just as painful. And filling my body. 

 

She turned her head slowly, and through the open door she glimpsed Sonia now sitting next to Laura, her arm around the younger woman’s shoulder.

Chapter 48

Kelvin watching the moon

 

Celia was sitting in her favourite corner of the living room sofa – her legs curled as tightly as possible to her body – when the phone rang.

 

She had continued – from the stumps and the locker rooms – up the hill and homebound. Spent time. Tried to profit from the cold air in order to sort out her thoughts. Without really succeeding. In any case they would not need her down at the club house. There were two of them to take care of Laura.

 

She looked at the digits dominating the mobile screen.

 

I do not have so many stored contacts. Kelvin, mom. Peter? Suddenly she again felt a sting in her chest for a short moment.

 

-I wanted to call you to tell that things are better with Laura. I took her home. Sonia’s voice was as calm as ever.

 

There was no particular comment to this coming to Celia’s mind, so Sonia went on.

 

-Don’t think too badly of her, Celia. She is in pain right now. But it will pass. And I’m absolutely certain that she has no part in the two deaths -  and I use to boast to myself about being a good judge of character.

 

I am not in any real mood for talking. Am I ever? So Sonia is the one having to do the job.

 

-As for Peter – you may judge him as you like. Remember what Mai told us.

 

A short pause. -Who knows – maybe he is the key to the solution of this whole ... case.

 

Now I sound like a police investigator, Sonia thought. I intended to say “thing”. But I’m no teenager any more. So it turned into «case» instead. This last remark was probably more to myself than to Celia anyway.

 

It was still silent in the terraced house end of the phone line. Just as well, Sonia reflected. But what I’m going to say to her next, is very important to get right.

 

-Celia, listen to an old lady.

 

Is she smiling a bit?

 

-Yes, it may look as if he was fooling around with ... a lot of them. But he meant it when he commended you. And he liked to coach with you. He wanted you to join his training course. Maybe the relation he had to you, was the one he valued most of them all.

 

Sonia hang up abruptly. Celia sat without moving for a while staring down at her phone.

 

I didn’t say a single word during the whole conversation. I wonder if that’s a new personal best?

 

The door to the living room was opened, and Kelvin went past her with a cheerful «hi». Towards the kitchen. He turned his head as he was about to leave through the kitchen door. -Run out of snacks.

She smiled back at him, but was still empty of words. It was only a while later she reacted. As he came in once more. Through the living room door.

 

-Didn’t you come in that way a couple of minutes ago?

 

-It’s incredible how good you are at recognizing people. Kelvin would never be able to insult a single being however ironic he worded his remarks. -You know what – I spotted the moon through the kitchen window. Just rising above the far-off woods. So I had to walk out onto the kitchen porch to have a closer look. It was fascinating.

 

It may be right. The school prom was a few days back, so it’s waning now – approaching last quarter. Meaning it rises a little later at night.

 

-So I took the outdoor path back – to the stairs and my dear room. The cold air cleared my head as well – you know it’s as far as seven-to-eight yards to walk. And now I’m here again – I guess you know why?

 

-You forgot the snacks? She held back a short laughter.

 

Kelvin once more disappeared into the kitchen.

 

Entered through the same door as a few minutes ago. Without exiting in between. Oh my God – Johnny. In the cafeteria. With Sonia and Mai. She almost collided with him on her way out. When he came in with his tool chest. But he had never left the cafeteria.

 

She was immediately aware.

 

I’ve broken through to one of the rooms up here. In my head. Found one of the maze puzzle paths.

 

I know there are many such rooms. There are more paths for me to find. But now I’ve come across this one, and then ...

 

How could Johnny enter a second time if he had never gone out? It can only mean one thing, but I have to be absolutely certain.

 

With no further pondering she pushed the last occuring number on her phone.

 

-Sonia, I have to ask you a question. I hope you know the answer. I think it’s important. You know – in the cafeteria ...

 

Her brain was back at work.

 

A short half hour later she threw her head backwards onto the large soft pillow in the bed of her room. She loved this pillow. She could sink down having it halfway swallow her. It was great for making her sleep.

 

But right now her head was occupied by other ideas than going to sleep.

 

The women’s locker room. We always come back to the women’s locker room.

 

A brief racketing noise from Kelvin’s room tore her for a moment out of her present stream of thoughts. He didn’t tumble from his chair? I know he has fallen asleep in front of his computer on a couple of occasions. I have to check – maybe he got hurt.

 

But then she heard the light trampling of feet and realized that there was no harm done.

 

Kelvin. In the kitchen. Viewing the moon through the window. As it had just risen above the woods. Had to walk onto the porch to admire it.

 

What did she say that night? About the moon. You’re bound to notice it. Quite different from the sun – the sun is only out during daytime, and then there is light anyway.

 

Wonderful Beatrice!

 

Celia turned off her bedside lamp and curled over on her left side. She always had her best sleep in this position.

 

I’m not going to sleep now. I’m thinking. I’m opening paths. My thoughts. What I’ve seen. What I’ve heard.

 

But she sensed the fatigue of her body. It had been a long day. With a lot of things happening. So the thoughts coming along remained swimming in the slow flow of the stream of sleep being about to capture her head and body.

 

One thought flashed through her head to delay the sleep. Beatrice once more. Yes – it has to do with the moon this one as well. And the rock band going to a recording studio. If you do something when you’re young – really great I mean – you can live on that ... for the rest of your life.

 

But it stayed only for a few seconds. Her head sank as far down into the pillow as was possible, the whole of her body regaining complete relaxedness. And the ideas as well as images which were about to be let loose, crept slowly back into their rooms and came to rest.

Chapter 49

Night in the terraced house

 

She was about to carry out an attacking raid forward on the pitch. Keeping the ball tightly to her feet.

 

I like it. I’m good at it as well. I can dribble past the opponent coming against me.

 

It started all down in her own defence area. Fast speed. She glimpsed the first one in front of her.

 

Have to get past. It is Samir once more. With a bottle of tropical juice in his hand. What’s in the other one? The same thing. Two juice bottles? --- and both of them are open – I can see it clearly.

 

Past him. Beatrice and Tanya are coming. Holding hands. It is dark, and the full moon is huge above Beatrice. It is easy to overrun them – they don’t even try to catch my ball. But they are shouting at me. - He’s rather ... cute. Do something when you’re young. -You know - Peter… Never knows for sure ... with guys.

 

The artifical turf has changed its colour. It’s blue-grey – like the sky mirrored by the small lake. And it’s not quite still. Over there is the family of ducks. Mom. Dad. The ducklings.

 

Emma – she should be an easy task to pass? But she is fast and agile. Almost gets my ball. Even with a cup of hot chocolate in one hand. And in the left one – a NoSugar coke can?

 

An extra feint. I take a look down at the blue grass and swiftly raise my head again. The face does not belong to Emma any longer – it has to be ... Shakir. And the chocolate is gone. Just coke. In both hands – two coke cans.

 

I easily pass Johnny – he is old, right? He’s waving his arm holding a tool box. And he’s pointing with his right hand – at someone? --- at something? --- at a place? Houses and trees. A star. The Christmas star? His soft voice as I’m close alongside him – nearly whispering. -The king of gymnastics.

 

And someone is walking on the other side of Johnny. Almost in his shadow. It has to be Philip. Who called Christine. He is calling now as well. Does not head towards me. Another tropical juice bottle. In his other hand. But this one looks full – it hasn't been opened.

 

I’m in the center circle now – and the pitch is once again green. That must be Mariam’s dad? He makes a brief attempt at catching my ball – he’s not able to. But even he is carrying something – a photo – I cannot see what is pictured on it – and a trophy – has he been to a cup?

 

I’m closing in – starting to get tired, have passed so many opponents. But they don’t give in. Coming here – the last defender? It is Peter. He’ll be tough – he is good. And he is not alone. A human figure at each of his arms – I can’t see clearly – yes, it is Laura ... and Linda. What are they doing – kissing both his cheeks? They are heading right for me – they are too many, I won’t be able to get past them. And it is not the face I know – it is not the Peter I know. It is only clotted blood. Now he’s looking at me. He is close enough to touch me. The blood in his face – it suddenly drains away. I can only see two empty eyes – staring straight at me.

 

This time she knew she screamed. And she had no thought of fearing that Kelvin or mom should have heard her. She fumbled her way to the bedside lamp, let her fingers glide down the cord, hit the switch and turned on the light. The room was ice cold. She liked to sleep with her window open – even at freezing temperatures outside. She slowly swang her feet onto the floor. The icy feeling of her toes made her hurry up – she barely got around the corner of the bed without colliding, reached the wall facing their small back garden and shut the window.

 

Then it all came down on her.

 

The dream. Ending in a nightmare. But she sensed that she had to record it in some way – there were images, there were objects, there were words and statements. It was the contents of the rooms in her head having broken out and presented itself – in a twisted way. And now the dream was about to slide away from her – to flow out.

 

She went quickly over to her small work desk, lifted a couple of books beside her laptop and picked up a tiny notebook. Pen? --- yes, in the drawer. About to exit through the door she turned on the doorstep and made the few steps back to the bedside table to get her mobile. Out of her room she half ran down the circled stairs, through the hallway and into the living room. Over to the the coffee table and the sofa corner. It was warmer down here.

 

The phone. Notes. Everyone else would have used it. But I have to use paper – I need to scribble and crumple and doodle.

 

It was about to get too late. Soon there would just be fragments left. So she started to write. At the football pitch. People she knew. Who had something to do with this business. They were holding objects. They shouted or whispered to her. Trophies – and a photo? Coke cans. Was it Johnny pointing? The family of ducks swimming – on the turf?

 

She kept on scribbling. Words. Short phrases. Doodles and arrows. She pressured her brain. Tried to instruct it to store the dream film. The dream images. But it was unable to do what she orderd. There were no permanent rooms available. Slowly it all gave way.

 

With one exception. My God – Peter. The clotted blood draining from his face. Peter is no longer Peter. Just empty eyes.

 

-Are you sitting here? I heard you running down the stairs.

 

Kelvin stood in the doorway. Still the same clothes. So he had not yet been sleeping.

 

-Thought I heard a shout as well? He displayed a small smile. -But I may just have imagined – you know, my study programs produce various sounds at times. Are you doing fine?

 

Celia sensed that she relaxed. Peter’s eyes disappeared. Kelvin came up to the table and sat down in one of the sofa chairs. She appreciated him being here. This time as well.

 

-I dreamed. And had to write something down. I guess I’ll be sitting here for a while.

 

-Anything I can do to help?

 

She picked the notebook from the sofa and looked at the front sheet. -Can you find the connection between a family of ducks, two coke cans and a photo?

 

He watched her for a few seconds. Then the big smile appeared – as it often did. -I think I’ll go back to my studies. But I will let you know – when I’ve figured out the connection.

 

As he was closing the door, Celia looked down at her cell phone lying on the tabletop. It had entered sleep mode, so she gave it a light push. A quarter to two.

 

Why am I sitting here? Why do I try to write down pieces from my dream? Why am I not sleeping the way I’m meant to do? Is there anything special about this night?

 

Something was started inside my head before I went to sleep. Possibly triggered by what happened yesterday. With Laura. And Sonia. Kelvin watching the moon – and using the outdoor path back. I think I've got it all in there – the facts and ideas I need.  The dream tried to show it to me in its strange way. I feel I have the chance now – I can find the right paths in the maze puzzle. Figure out how I can put it all together. 

 

So this is not going to be a normal night.

 

I’m pretty sure as to where Linda was poisoned. My call to Sonia tonight. Kelvin and the moon. It adds up.

 

She tore off the top sheet and placed it next to the notebook on the tabletop. She needed a blank sheet. But also a view to the dream notes.

 

She could not rid herself of Peter. The images of him were rolling back and forth within her head.

 

The empty eyes. Peter was not the one I believed him to be – he was someone else. Unlike the one I’d got to know.

 

No – it makes no sense.

 

Is all of this related to Peter? A fragment from the dream suddenly rushed through her head – Laura and Linda at each of his arms. Was Linda killed because of Peter, and not the other way round? – was the sequence wrong? Maybe Laura after all ... No, Sonia had been positive. And I was not able to think clearly down there yesterday afternoon.

 

The dream image of Mariam’s dad – he was holding a trophy ... and a photo? I guess then that he has been to a cup?

 

A flash of light behind her right ear. No – he has not been to a cup. But there were two others travelling to a cup together. Two others who ... are not here any more.

 

Linda had called from the cup. They talked about the house. And money. Linda did not want to live in the house with Michael’s father after all. But she talked about other things as well – somewhat incoherently – he mentioned trophies ... and photos.

 

I’m getting closer. Trophies and photos. Linda and Peter together. All of this happened because of the overnight cup. Something occured at that cup.

 

Celia was writing to the fresh sheet.

 

May Peter and Linda have had ...? Was that the reason why she did not want to stay in the house any longer?

 

No. By now I’m by and large ready to accept anything when it comes to Peter. But still – it seems unlikely. And why should they be killed for that reason? Michael’s father?

 

She rose from the sofa and started to wander around in the living room. Hoping that the activity would shuffle even more ideas to their right place. Farthest away from the sofa corner – by the end of one of the shelves in the wall unit – she stopped to look at a framed picture. It had probably been in this place for many years, but it was long since she viewed it in particular. Kelvin and her – and mom in the background. By the small lake – Kelvin was busy throwing breadcrumbs to some ducks – and a couple of geese – at the waterfront.

 

Celia smiled by herself. I think perhaps I remember. Even though it was in my pre-school days. Dad took the photo.

 

Another flash through her head, and she stared straight at the ducks in the picture.

 

The duck family in her dream. And by the small lake. What did Simon say? The animal philosopher.

 

She half ran back to the sofa corner and looked down at the torn-off sheet. Of course. They were the only special ones in the dream. They did not really belong there. But they had to take part.

 

Simon – you are fantastic. If you’d been here now, I’d given you a kiss on each of your cheeks. Or at least a hug. Or at least ...

 

She sat down in her favourite corner curling her feet tightly to her body as she loved to do. The notebook remained on the sofa next to her. But she did not look at the book – her eyes seemed to focus on something outside the living room, the house and the terraced street.

 

It’s loosening up. I have to let my brain work. And grasp what it may get at. When it’s important.

 

Of course there were two open bottles of tropical juice. And cans of coke. I know how it was done.

 

But something is missing. The most important thing of all. The core - connecting all the pieces.

 

Her eyes fell on the door to the kitchen, and Kelvin’s double trip once more drifted through her head. As it did just before she fell asleep. And immediately she was walking in the moonlight – next to Beatrice who was pressing tightly to Simon’s right upper arm. Her plans - her dreams. Which might not be attainable. But if she would not be able to achieve what she wanted, then ...

 

Peter is not the one I believed him to be.

Not the one - someone else. Trophies. Photos.

 

The overnight cup once again. Mariam’s dad told her where it took place. Do I remember correctly? Me and my geography.

 

Celia seized her phone. Google Chrome. She sensed the vibration through her body – a reaction making it difficult to keep her phone still. A kind of anticipation – or underlying fear? Like when she was about to look up a result fearing it would not be as she was hoping. She keyed the name in as she recalled it. Maps. As the tiny red upside-down drop appeared, she started to swipe slowly. Both fingers. Increasingly more details were displayed – and more names. That small green rectangle had to be a sports ground. And there ...

 

The mobile slid from her hand sailing down into the opening between two seat cushions, while her head and upper body moved slowly backwards to end up obliquely on one of the soft back pillows. She could not tell whether the sensation suddenly hitting her was excitement, relief, joy or something else. But had Kelvin come into the living room right now, he would have seen his little sister half lying on the sofa with a hard-to-interprete smile upon her face.

 

It lasted only a few moments. She rose abruptly, picked up her phone from between the cushions and put it so forcefully down on the tabletop as to sound like a tiny blow.

 

I believe something I’m not sure to be right. And it all depends on my belief. I really don’t know if things are the way I think. I have to make a phone call. To check. But it must wait till daytime.

 

Apart from that? Should I ring Mai? Now at night? --- or tomorrow morning? But they are all my own speculations. What would the police do?

 

All of a sudden an idea hit her. A wild idea.

 

And a dangerous idea. She realized that at once. But when the thought was already there, she took it to heart.

 

I must know. Otherwise I will just mess up again. They will laugh at me. Behind my back. If I’m wrong.

 

So I have to do this. But this time I need to take someone along. Sonia? No, she would strongly advise against it. Simply tell me not to.

 

It has to be Simon. It is him and me now.

 

Celia looked at the cell phone clock in the upper left corner.  But she did so only after dialling the number – she remembered it even though it was not a stored contact – and pushing the green circle button.

 

Half past two. I hope he does not sleep too heavily.

 

A fair amount of seconds passed. But he seemed to have a rather long ring time setting, since the tone kept on at the other end.

 

-Hi. It was even fainter than last time. But that evening he was the one to make the call. -Celia? Are you ringing ... me?

 

She was on the brink of replying with some irony, but let it rest.

 

-Simon – I know that it’s night. But it’s important. Can you meet me at school early tomorrow? ... today? Like we did when you came with the bottle and the cup?

 

She made a pause waiting for him to respond. There was silence for a while, so she wondered whether he might not be fully awake.

 

-Yes … well – what’s going on? Something to do with the juice bottle once more? 

 

-In a way. But much more. We must make a plan together – you and me. I know who it was.

 

-Or, she corrected, -at least I think I do. Same place as last time – but even earlier. Half an hour.

 

-And make sure to change your alarm to wake up in time. Promise?

 

He promised. And sounded somewhat more awake by now. She gave him a swift «good night» - whatever that might mean? – and hang up.

 

She clicked the clock image and changed the alarm time for herself as well. Then she grasped the red soft fleece blanket folded on top of one of the back pillows.

 

I’ll sleep here for the hours left of tonight.

Chapter 50

A phone call for Sonia.

 

-Mom, done my English homework.

 

Since the kitchen door into the hallway as well as the door leading to the smallish girl’s room a couple of yards further off were both open, her daughter’s voice carried well into the kitchen. Where she was sitting by the table sipping at a cup of freshly brewed coffee.

 

Armin was working late shift today, so she had prepared a night meal – it was ready, just to be reheated a little before they would sit down to eat. She was fully aware that she could not quite match Armin’s cooking skills. Just the way it ought to be – he was an educated chef, even though he in the end opted to choose a job not in line with his education. It was fair enough – she knew he felt good about his work.

 

She took a peek at the wall clock obliquely above the fridge.  Twenty to eight in a moment – he will be here in half an hour or a few minutes later.

 

She left her coffee cup on the tabletop, rose from her chair and walked the few yards over to the girl’s room sticking her head in.

 

-Splendid, Sara – any homework tasks left?

 

Sara turned her head hearing her mother’s voice. -Three math problems. Could be you must help me.

 

-That’s okay, sweetheart. But you have to try yourself first. You know that’s the rule we have – dad and I are happy to help you with your homework, but you must have a real go at it before we do.

 

Sonia went slowly back to the kitchen sitting down once more with the warm coffee.

 

Her head was still occupied by the events of yesterday evening.

 

I hope Laura will be able to make her way through it.

 

More than half an hour had passed as she was sitting with Laura – and Emma – by the locker room table last night. Laura recounted in rather great detail what she had done, for how long it lasted and tried as well to come up with some figures for how much money was involved. Emma offered to help her set up a list – and together with Laura make a schedule for how the money could be paid back.

 

-I know most people around her, she said – it occured to Sonia that «all people» would probably be more accurate. -We will work this out in a way making sure that you don’t lose anything you do or have in the club.

 

Laura seemed to be glad for being accompanied home. All the way to her doorstep. It wasn’t too far though, and neither was it a long detour compared to a straight walk back to their apartment here.

 

Did we do the right thing? Did I do the right thing? Is it right to give Laura a second chance? Surely someone would call it a cover-up of an illegal act.

 

I don’t know. But I know that I made the decision on the spot. Straight away. And Emma concurred.

 

But it hinges on me being certain she has nothing to do with what happened to Linda and Peter.

 

How can I be so sure of that? Most people would say she has a motive. At least regarding Linda. And Peter? --- what if she found out that he was involved in other intimate relationships?

 

I’m not even able to trample a spider to death – though I hate spiders. She could still hear Laura’s outburst in her head.

 

All of a sudden another phrase sprang to her mind. The voice of an old man at the Islamic centre. Many, many years ago. He’d come here from an area ravaged by war. -You would be shocked at seeing people being gentle as a lamb – not even able to put down a cat or a dog – in wartime turning into inhuman and brutal monsters.

 

But I am certain. I was sure of it even before my right-out question – and her reaction. And therefore I could express my view very clearly when I called Celia later in the evening.

 

Celia. She did not know for how long the young girl had been absent from the locker room when she suddenly realized that she was not there any longer. She went to the entrance and took a look around outside, but she saw no one. So she assumed that Celia was on her way home.

 

The reaction from Celia was – to be honest – no surprise. I perceived the signals when we sat talking with Mai in the cafeteria. Even if I was hoping that she might in a way be able to put it behind her – at least when she realized what sort of guy Peter really was.

 

It was on her way home from Laura’s place that the thought hit her. Plain and obvious.

 

It hurts Celia to see that he involved himself with so many others, but kept away from her.

 

It is not always that easy to be eighteen years old.

 

That’s why I had to call her last night. Because of Peter. What I said to her about Peter was more important than giving her my view on Laura.

 

But then – when she called back. The question she asked. Yes – they were sitting in the women’s locker room last night – did that trigger her? But Johnny was the one she mentioned – who came into the cafeteria once more after fetching his tool box. Johnny?

 

It was evident that Celia was incapable of letting the case rest.

 

We must get to the bottom of this. In order to be able to go on. It’s eating at us – minds and senses. It certainly is someone close. And since it’s not Laura ...

 

The police has to solve it. Mai has to solve it. They have to know by now. Or – are they sure that Mariam’s father is their man? Even though they don’t keep him in custody?

 

Her cup of coffee was almost empty when the mobile on the countertop rang. Her favourite melody from the year she met Armin. But she did not think he knew.

 

The number was stored in her contact folder. So she knew who the caller was as she swiped over the green «take-the-call» symbol.

 

-Sonia – is that you? The voice was tentative – and a little afraid?

 

-I don’t know if it’s right of me ... calling you. You see – I promised ... Or at least I think I promised ...

 

She opted to wait in the pause that followed. She knew there would be more. And she had already a strong feeling that it was important.

 

-I’ve been thinking – over and over again. And made up my mind to call ... someone. In the end it had to be you – someone I can trust.

 

An increasingly chilly fear slowly filled her body as she consumed the sentences - at times somewhat disjointed, but still impossible to misunderstand – coming through from the other end of the phone line.

 

-When? It was the only question to ask.

 

-Now – in a few minutes. I’ll be there right away.

 

Sonia disconnected the call swiftly and tapped her most frequently used contact symbol as she rose from the kitchen chair.  I hope he’s able to take it.

 

He was. And he understood. As he used to do.

 

She half ran into the hallway and over to a small corner housing their outerwear wardrobe. Only after putting on a sweater and her winter jacket she went on into the girl’s room.

 

-Sara, there’s something I have to do. Now at once. You can manage, right? I spoke with dad – he will be here in a short while.

 

She was over at Sara’s desk by now. The ten-year-old looked up at her smiling – before she half rose from the chair to give her mother a fast hug.

 

-Of course. And mom – I solved the first two maths. So dad need only help me with the last one.

 

Midway along the main street Sonia suddenly halted – picking the mobile out of the left front pocket of her jacket.

 

Is it absolutely necessary?

 

Yes – I have to call. I seem to recall storing Mai’s number. When we were sitting in the cafeteria. I hope I did.

 

Her memory was right. And the call was answered even before the first ring tone faded.