Celia

Chapter 21

Simon shopping on a Sunday

 

Celia remained on the square viewing the two women until they were out of sight - though not being conscious of why doing so. Laura was gone almost immediately, and on top of the stairs – just before she disappeared behind the corner – Sonia turned and waved to her.

 

A little further up the walkway Celia took off – a small gravel track connected to the footpath leading up to the small lake. She drew the autumn jacket – still the one from last year – closer to her body. Even though she allowed herself some light jogging in certain parts, her «round» was not really meant as an exercise.

 

It’s relaxing standing here by the lake overlooking the water. Peaceful. A few people on a Sunday stroll, but much more quiet than will be the case later in the afternoon. Should I drop by and say hallo to daddy? – let me see if my legs take me there.

 

It was not in the box. Which box? A medicine box perhaps. They have at least one placed in there. With bandages, plaster, tablets and a little bit of everything.  

 

Celia had been in the senior locker room. This spring she made a few training sessions with the first team. Not yet after the summer break though. It was hard making time for it, and – do I really have the ambition?

 

What was it – not being in a medicine box? Laura does not play with the first team any longer. Maybe she was short of something for our junior team and would check if she could borrow it from her old mates. But it is a little strange – early on a Sunday. And the locker rooms have been blocked all week.

 

Why did she tell Sonia that it was not in the box? Sonia has nothing to do with the senior side. As far as I know. And not with our team either.

 

It looked like she wanted to hurry away from us. Yes – it is of course possible that she had to make it somewhere in time.

 

Cash box? Maybe they have an old-fashioned team box? With some money and other junk.

 

Laura and Linda having an intense talk by the fence during the training break. At one of the sessions a short time before the cup. Made the break longer than usual. And that’s not like her – she’s very careful to keep short breaks.

 

-They sent me out to buy a few extras.

 

Simon came walking along the footpath marking the edge of the small lake. He had almost caught up with her when she got aware of him. The not-so-packed shopping bag was pulled onto his left forearm.

 

-You know – the local shop down the street keeps open on Sundays. And mom ... He stopped to correct. -… my mother … discovered she needed something.

 

Her lips formed a tiny smile. Feel free to call her «mom», she thought. But she did not say.

 

-Are you set for home? We can walk together – same way, at least most of it. His voice was tentative – as he was looking out across the water. A pair of ducks had started towards them, seemingly hoping for an early lunch.

 

Stopping by at the church yard. Having a talk with dad – in my head, and sometimes out loud. But I can let it rest for today.

 

Dad isn’t going anywhere.

 

A sudden ache inside her. Simon was close enough to sense it.  

 

-Are you all right? – I know you were close by … when it happened ... at the cup. He paused for a moment. -I watched it as well. But I was farther away. At the sales booth.

 

-It was a fine thing to get to her dad, he went on after a couple of seconds.

 

Everyone seems to know. But I feel good about him saying it anyway.

 

-Yes, I’m on my way home. We can keep company.

 

-Do you know that they have planned the outdoor excursion – far into the woods – on the same day we are having our school prom? We’ll be exhausted coming there.

 

Celia had caught the discussion at school. -I guess they want us not to be too wild in the evening.

 

They reached the end of the small lake. Across the short dam they could just narrowly walk side-by-side.  On the other side the path changed to a walkway leading away from the lake.

 

-Are you coming? He cast a small glance at her this time, but did not get any response. -You weren’t their last year.

 

He regretted immediately – it must have sounded like an accusation.

 

Celia turned her head looking at him, only to see that his eyes were now firmly fixed to the ground.

 

How does he know? I hardly remember myself. But he’s probably right – it was rather shortly after dad.

 

-On Saturday – can you remember if Linda carried a cup of coffee? – some time before ...

 

Simon appreciated the change of subject. He understood what the question might mean, even though it caught him by some surprise.

 

-I went a little here and there, he said. -Being around seeing that all referees turned up at their matches, and I went to the office a couple of times to check the match program. But I was also helping out at the sales booth for much of the time.

 

-Not a cup of coffee, he continued after his introduction. -But she got something else to drink over at the booth. Same kind of cup – we used only the paper ones. I think Samir was the one to pour it. Fruit juice. Tropical type. Rather strong, but tasty. We get them in plastic bottles – like sodas at the grocery. The cafeteria has always had them – well, I guess you know.

 

They had reached a crossing from which Simon would take a small street with planted birch trees growing all along one of the sidewalks.

 

-I’m sure she got the tropical. But I cannot quite remember when – it was so much back and forth – if it was while you were refereeing, or possibly some time earlier.

 

-The juice bottle. Celia felt somewhat uncertain whether she ought to ask the question. -Had it been in the sales booth ... for long?

 

She could see him concentrating – a few small wrinkles above his eyes. -Maybe. Maybe not. They came from the cafeteria with everything we should sell at the booth. And brought things back as well. You see – we were not supposed to make separate accounts for the two sales locations.

 

-Did you like to be a referee? Even though you did not get to finish the match?

 

Once again he had regrets. Of course her feelings about it could not be good. With what had happened.

 

-Think it was okay. Even if …

 

-I know, Celia. I didn’t intend to … He cut her short without completing his own response.

 

-I must go. Frozen food in the bag. But Celia ...

 

He managed to catch her eyes. -I understand that you are curious. And you were so close by. But take care – this whole thing is not normal – it may be ...

 

She noticed tiny twitches between his eyebrows. -… dangerous.

 

He turned abruptly and walked down the birch street.

 

Celia watched his back appearing steadily smaller. He did not look back. Close-to a minute later he turned a street corner and was out of sight.

 

Even more thoughts to handle. Keep track of inside me. And not only thoughts. There is something else as well.

 

But can there be anything but thoughts?

 

So why am I sensing it?

 

Small Simon.

 

Oh, come on, Celia – he’s a head taller than you.

Chapter 22

The kitten

 

-It was you ... you made it die.

 

I sat up in my bed abruptly. Had I been dreaming? Or did the words just crash down into my head by chance?

 

The voice. It was her voice. Then it was a dream. They fortunately flow away rather fast.

 

It was a chock. She could not know. No one could know. I’m sure of it. Nobody saw me. Not when I fetched the poison. Not when I mixed it in the small bowl.

 

So she guessed.

 

But it was unfortunate that she was the one to find it. Lying lifeless at the edge of the stairs – a yellowish fluid trickling out of its half open mouth.

 

She cried all afternoon.

 

My daddy’s rat poison. I did not know exactly how much was needed, so I used rather a lot. I was afraid that it would sense the taste. Maybe it did – but it was thirsty and emptied the bowl of milk with its tongue.

 

Why did it have to destroy them? The things I loved. Whatever I care about, I want to keep as it is. No one can be allowed to destroy it.

 

-It was you ... you made it die.

 

The expression in her face. I don’t recall whether I tried to respond. There was no time for an answer anyway. She was out of the room within a couple of seconds.

 

The kitten. Why do I dream about it? This has nothing to do with the kitten. This is something quite different.

Chapter 23

A question for Laura

 

The dad who drove them back from their match, offered to bring them all the way to their doorsteps. But Celia was bent on walking the sloping hill and way home, so she declined and thanked him for the ride as he stopped his car at the square outside the club house. Even if it was about to get a little darker, it was still rather early in the night.

 

Beatrice – who was sitting beside her in the somewhat narrow back seat – readily made company.

 

After one week’s break the junior girls were back in league play. Tuesday night – the usual matchday. An away game, but not too far off – the opponent was one of the neighbouring clubs.

 

I made the pass to Mayouri when she equalized. Just before the end of the game. A precise pass completely outmaneuvering the defenders of the other side. The best pass I’ve created this year.

 

The girls were happy and pleased with themselves as they gathered by the bench right after the match. And several of them commented on her pass.

 

But Laura did not. She had hardly said anything. Just thanked them for the good effort and bid farewell. Before picking up the match bag and started walking across the pitch towards the exit.

 

It was unlike her.

 

-Why was Laura so strange today? Beatrice was the first of them to enter the track leading on to the lake path. -She could have told us that we did well. They are almost on top of the table – and we got a draw away from home.

 

Celia did not answer. So Beatrice had reacted to it as well.

 

It is my fault. I should not have asked. At least not there and then. It was extremely silly.

 

But the question had been itching inside her for a while. Especially after Sunday morning. Outside the first team locker room.

 

-I watched you talking to Linda at a training before ... before the cup. Did you ... know each other?

 

Her intention was to inquire what they were talking about, but she could not bring herself to being that direct.

 

It was a few minutes into the second half. Celia was sitting in the substitutes’ booth, and Laura – normally she was standing close to the sideline shouting to the girls – came and sat next to her. Beatrice and Mayouri were doing some warm-up jogging up and down along the line a little further off – they were soon to be substituted in. So Celia and Laura were alone on the bench.

 

She had played for the whole of the first half – then during the break Laura told her to rest for fifteen minutes at the start of the second one, before playing the reminaing half hour of the game.  

 

She just barely managed to finish her question – Laura rose abruptly from the bench and walked rapidly up to the sideline again. Celia already regretted. But she was surprised by Laura’s next move, as her coach turned around and took a few steps back towards her.

 

-She just guessed. She could not know. And it is not true. At least ... not the way she said it.

 

So she did understand what I was really asking about.

 

Laura returned to the coaching area. Then she turned her head. -Celia – you’re coming on. Central midfield. I’m subsituting Hagia.

 

-But – Beatrice and Mayouri? The two team mates were about to come back to the booth from their warm-up.

 

-They’ll come on later.

 

She felt uneasy for the rest of the game. Stomach. Head. Whole body.

 

I have no idea how I was playing. Auto and reflexes perhaps. Sometimes I perform at my best that way. In any case the last pass to Mayouri was good.

 

Why did she turn on me like that? Honest – there’s no doubt it was.  She could have given me any kind of answer. Or none at all.

 

Maybe I hit her directly after all.

 

-Why did she substitute you in? – It was my turn – or Mayouri’s. Beatrice and Celia were approaching the small lake walking side-by-side up the footpath.

 

-I saw you two talking on the bench. You’re ingratiating yourself! Her voice was suddenly hard and short.

 

-Come on - you know that is rubbish.

 

Beatrice immediately realized that she had gone too far. -Excuse me, Celia. I did not mean it like that. You are one of the best we’ve got. It’s just that ... I think I get to play too little.

 

A brief pause. -I think I’ll quit. Beatrice had slowed down – walking with her eyes fixed to the ground.

 

I have to cheer her up. And we cannot afford to lose anyone.

 

-Don’t do it, Beatrice. There are some ups and downs. Do you remember scoring the winning goal at that final for us?

 

Beatrice looked up, and a small smile spread across her face.

 

It doesn’t take too much.

 

-But you are right in saying that Laura behaved ... differently ... today.

 

Beatrice willingly grabbed the change of subject and took her chance at once.

 

-I think she was the one doing her in ... Linda I mean.

 

Celia had to conceal a tiny smile. The real Beatrice was back.

 

-Why should Laura poison Linda? – it makes absolutely no sense.

 

-I saw them speaking together for a long time during a break at our training a couple of weeks ago.

 

She picks up more than I think she does.

 

-I’ve thought about it. It was not every-day chatter. It seemed ... serious.

 

I let her talk. She is good at it. And suddenly she hits the target. Even if it may be at random.

 

An icy-cold feeling sweeping through my body. Like getting scared without being warned. Simon’s last words on Sunday – «this is not normal – it may be dangerous». Suddenly she hits the target.

 

She was about to grab Beatrice by the arm. But her team mate went on.

 

-Maybe they ran some illegal business together. I mean ... something really bad. And then Linda wanted to pull out. Tell the secret. So Laura had to ...

 

Celia cut her short. – Stop it now, Beatrice – it does not sound very likely.

 

But how probable was it that Linda should be poisoned?

 

There was mostly silence for the rest of the way. Beatrice kept her other theories to herself ... for now.

 

And she seemed once again to be in a good mood when she said «bye» as they parted at the crossing.

 

-Don’t be mad at me, Celia. And it was a brilliant pass!

 

She half ran across the street and started up the hillside.

 

Celia began to walk slowly onto the street with the terraced houses. She noticed that her eyes were drawn slightly up to her right – towards the entrance of Linda’s house. The light was turned on. So there were people inside.

 

-It is not true … at least not the way she said it. The words from Laura repeating within her head.

 

But then it was true. Or almost true. Or something like it.

 

She put me into play in order to get rid of me. She regretted having answered the way she did  - and did not want me to stay there any longer.

 

What was it that Linda knew – something Laura did not understand how Laura could know?

Chapter 24

A quarrel in the terraced house street

 

Since the street ended in a turnaround, there was never much traffic here. A dark-coloured vehicle was heading towards the crossing, and a boy was coming past on a bicycle. Apart from that it was quiet. But even if Celia registered the sparse activities going on, her mind was occupied elsewhere.

 

I have to get my thoughts straight. Or maybe drop them. Simon is right.

 

A ringtone in the training bag she was carrying from her left shoulder. Surely mom wondering what was keeping her – she was in no way grown-up yet as mom saw it.

 

I’d better answer – even though I’ll be home in a few minutes.

 

Celia curled down placing the bag on her lap and was about to pick up the phone. A harsh loud voice startled her, and she looked swiftly in the direction of the sound. She was by now straight outside the entrance to Linda’s house – just the small garden patch separating her from the building. A window was slightly ajar, and right behind it a man was standing with his back turned to her in the lit living room. That had to be her new boyfriend – the father of «the stepson», as Peter had named the sixteen-year-old.

 

-There is nothing here for you – why do you come here? You picked up your things and left several months ago.

 

-What do you know about my things? You don’t even live here.

 

The latter voice was known to Celia. It was Mariam’s dad - no doubt. She cound not see him, so he was probably standing at the other end of the room.

 

If the stepson’s father turns around now, he will spot me. Celia rose from her curled position and moved stealthily a few yards upwards till her body was aligned with the half-open shed in which trash cans were placed. Here she was sufficiently in the shadow, making her difficult to be seen from the house.

 

-Linda and I were planning to live here with the kids. Michael started at the local high school this autumn. I’m going to live here with him. Take your little girl wherever you want – this is our house now.

 

He had lowered his voice a bit. But that did in no way hold off the other man inside the room.

 

-You have no idea what you’re talking about. Half of this house is mine – Linda never bought me out. And I doubt if she has given you her share in these few months. We are ... were still married. So if you’ve got any stuff here, I think you should be the one to pack and leave.

 

There was movement inside the house, and Celia could now see both of them – standing turned head-to-head with one another, maybe at opposite sides of the living room table.

 

I have to go. It’s wrong of me to listen to this. This has nothing to do with me. And I don’t want to hear it either.

 

But Celia kept standing in the shadow of the trash can shed peaking up at the half-open window in the living room.

 

No one is saying anything – they’re just standing there. I think he was caught off guard by the last thing Mariam’s dad said. He thought he was out of it.

 

All of a sudden Michael’s father leaned forward – placing both arms on what was probably the tabletop, but which was too low for Celia to be able to see through the window. His movement made their faces head each other just a few inches apart.

 

Oh my God – if they only don’t start fighting.

 

-Your’re the man who did it. His voice was even lower now – almost on the edge of crying? – and Celia realized having to concentrate deeply in order to catch his words. -You killed her in order to get this house and live here with your little girl!

 

The words hit her like a fist blow. The training bag slid down from her shoulder and crashed to the ground.

 

But she was able to pick up the reaction inside.

 

-If I’d been another kind of guy, you would’ve got a punch right in your face. Surely you will find some other place to stay around here for your boy and yourself – if this is all you can come up with. And find it as fast as you can.

 

Celia lifted her bag from the sidewalk, pulled it onto her left shoulder and started walking rapidly up the street. She heard the front door being opened and shut and the sound of steps leaving the house. She did not wish to look back, but her head turned as if it was remote-controlled.

 

He spotted her, even though she had made it some five-to-ten yards off.

 

-Oh – hi Celia!

 

He did not stop, and Celia – having turned fully around by now – watched him walking with quick steps, close-to running, towards the crossing at the head of the terraced house street.

 

It is not true. He is not capable of anything like that. He is a good man.

 

As she resumed her walk further along the house entrances, her pace had dropped – she was just barely moving her feet forward.

 

The stepson’s father is right. Maybe he was the one wishing to get away – not Linda throwing him out. And now he gets it all back – without Linda.

 

This has nothing to do with me.

 

But Mariam must not lose her dad as well.

 

As from some distance Celia sensed the front door being opened. Kelvin was standing on the doorstep – neither shoes nor slides, just socks.

 

She had reached the front stairs back home.

 

-Celia – what is it? You have to come in – it’s getting cold.

 

I have probably been standing here for a while. He has spotted me through the window in his room.

 

Since Celia did not answer, Kelvin made the needed steps down the small outdoor stairs. He looked at her face. -Is there something wrong? You look ... strange. Seen a ghost?

 

-By the way mom tried to call you a few minutes ago, he continued after a short pause. -She got a little anxious when you did not answer. But you know how she is.

 

He slid his right hand on the inside of her left elbow and pulled her slowly up the three steps of the stairs into the hallway.   

 

Only inside Celia noticed being cold. She shook her body lightly and realized that she was back by herself and present.

 

-I’m sorry, Kelvin – it’s just that ... I overheard something I did not want to hear.

 

There was a slight movement of his head, and Celia could see the smile emerging in his face. Then he let his arm carefully slide out from behind her elbow. Turning head-to-head towards her, he placed his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes.

 

-Celia – you are pondering too much. To be honest it is fantastic - you being like that, but even so – some things you have to push away from you. It is not all yours.

 

A kind of feelgood entered the top of her head and flowed slowly down through her body. She heard herself respond to him with a soft laugh. She was about to ask how the leftover-food had tasted, but managed to hold back.

 

Not now. I will tease him another time. What would I do without big brother?

 

-It’s great to see you laughing, Celia. Kelvin withdrew his hands carefully from her shoulders before taking the main stairs up to his room.

Chapter 25

Two short words

 

The stings in the chest were back.

 

I thought I had got rid of them. Yes – I was somewhat concerned during the first days. But that passed away. It had gone well. I could live on – my life.

 

The kitten – all right. But it did not disrupt anything for me now. It was something quite different. And her voice – that was just a dream.

 

My head is used to do what I want. I’m the one in charge.

 

-I know.

 

Two short words. Spot on.

 

If I had only been warned in some way. But he came upon me so suddenly. Around the corner and almost straight into me where I was standing. It was planned. He knew I would be there.

 

He cannot know. He cannot have seen. I am sure no one saw me.

 

And the poison – I didn’t buy anything – not at the chemist’s, not in the grocery store – I made it all myself.

 

But then what did he know? The other thing? – no, that is impossible.

 

I managed to return his smile after some seconds – maybe saying «hallo». Or something else quite everyday-like. I think that was when he went on.

 

-I did not think it would be this way, but something happened which I ... couldn’t control. So I’m a little ... bad off ... right now.

 

Before walking further along the wall.

 

It’s not just the stings now. There is something more.

 

I was able to turn it around last time – turning it into action. I am good at that – doing what is needed.

 

But where does this devilish thought come from? – that I will not be able to? – this time?

 

Rubbish. I’m always capable of doing what it takes.

 

And maybe he knows nothing. He is guessing. A shot in the dark.

 

No one takes away from me what is mine. Not ever.

 

I have to speak to him. I need to be straight with him. I’ll ask him to meet me – about something. Then I am prepared. And can explain.

 

It was lovely to feel the breeze meeting my face. From the small lake. In the dusk of the autumn night. I have a good life here – I have everything here. This is my place forever.